From Bow Bridge to Bethesda Terrace, scenes of Amy Adams singing “That’s How You Know” from Disney’s Enchanted popped into my head. Smiling, I mentally noted to watch that movie as soon as I arrived back in Atlanta.
Throughout my Sunday stroll in Central Park, I noticed countless couples holding hands, completely captivated by each other’s company. It was as if they had no set agenda, no destination, simply walking just to walk.
My smile slightly faded. I tucked back the strands of my hair. Inhale. Exhale.
Jesus, you know the desires of my heart. I pray for someone not only to hold my hand, but to take my hand.
Remember a few months back when I dabbled with the idea of online dating in a previous post? I asked myself, “Am I willing to let go of my fear, pride, control and vulnerability and allow God to shine through me and be glorified in whatever way I choose to date?”
Well about a week ago, I decided to give the Bumble app a second chance, and started swiping right and left.
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
- Wait, didn’t this guy go to my high school?
- Awwww this guy has a dog… oh wait, so does every other guy on this app.
- Is that Stash from MIDDLE SCHOOL?
- Bama Grad? Swipe right.
- Auburn Grad? Swipe Le.. ehh he seems legit, I’ll swipe right.
- Oh snap, I know this guy from church.
- Bedroom selfie, Car selfie, bathroom mirror and gym mirror selfie… MAKE IT STOP!
- Are you seriously trying to win me over with your cat?
- Is that your ex in your photos? Why?
- I get it, you like alcohol. Every picture you have is of you holding some sort of drink.
- Is this a professional headshot photo?
- OH HAY, this guy says he loves Jesus. Swipe right.
“Boom! You’ve got a connection,” the app notified me. Oh crap, this is the dating app where I have to start the conversation first. Hmm. What should I say? Well this grizzly bear waving gif seems kinda cute. Okay, boom. there it is. Done. Boy, do I feel exposed.
Hours go by and not one guy I’ve made a “connection with” responds to my grizzly bear gif. Way to go, Ash. I should have said something cheesy like, “Are you a magician? Because when I see you, everyone else disappears.” No, that’s dumb. Stick to the grizzly bear.
And then I started to question why I chose to get back on Bumble:
- Was it because I saw all those couples holding hands in Central Park and wanted the same comfort?
- Was it because I lacked patience in God’s timing?
- Was it because I desired affirmation from a guy’s swipe right and not God’s unfailing love?
- Was it because I wasn’t “content in my singleness?”
Jesus, guide and direct my steps as I sift through these profiles on Bumble. Give me eyes to see these men NOT as objects, but as people whom have created. My value and worth comes from you and you alone. God, your ways are higher, your thoughts are deeper. Help me to take a step of faith, trusting in your plans, knowing that nothing can thwart your will and purpose for me. It’s in you and you alone whom I find the greatest fulfillment and joy.
Honestly, I chose to get back on Bumble because, for someone like me who has never gone on a date, I wanted to challenge myself in an area I lacked experience in. God knows the desires of my heart, so why not give online dating a second chance and leave the results up to Him?
However, something I need to be aware of as I swipe left and right is that I must guard my heart and remind myself that marriage is not the end goal. God has not promised a husband for me. He’s promised me something better: Jesus. I must remember that my hope is found in Jesus and that my ultimate purpose in life is to glorify God and to make Him known; not to ultimately get married.
I received my first notification from a Bumble connection. A guy actually responded to my grizzly bear gif.