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What Does it Look Like to Make the Most of Your Season of Singleness?

Arms stretched across the chair, I practiced my James Bond-ish move as an excuse to secretly glance over at the guy on my right. I took another sip of my coffee and looked ever so slightly to my left.

Turns out, the only people sitting at the coffee bar beside me were all married men. Ladies, has it really come down to this? If I notice an attractive guy in public, why do I instinctively turn my attention toward their left hand?

Reiterating from my previous post, at one point in our lives, we were ALL single. And then something happened.

Maybe it was during college or later in your twenties or thirties when, one by one, all of your friends shifted from the shallow end of the single pool to the deep end of dating and eventually became engaged, married, and started families of their own.

And if you know anything about the south, especially at the University of Alabama, there’s this fantasy of finding your husband in college and having your name plastered on a banner outside your sorority house announcing your engagement. A part of me secretly hoped this would be my story.

…apparently Andy “the Nard Dog” Bernard from The Office feels the same way:

But God has a different story for me.

Never did I imagine, I would be single since 1991. What I struggle the most with isn’t the fact that I’m currently single, but the reality that I’ve always been single.

And during those years, I’ve exhausted my resources (blogs, books, scripture, sermons, podcasts, articles) on the topic of singleness. However, of all the materials I’ve studied, besides scripture, none were from the perspective of someone who had been single their entire life.

In December 2015, God gave me purpose in three simple words: Single Since ’91.

God gave me a purpose to be a voice for the voiceless: to share with you my journey of singleness and what God has shown me along the way. I want this blog to be a safe place where you can relate, know your feelings are valid and for you to discover you are not alone.

But make no mistake, this blog was not created for the purpose of shouting to the void saying, “Woe is me, I’m STILL single” or to put the blame on guys for not having the courage to ask us out on a date:

And yet, how easy it is for me to feel this way.

Basically, any tv show or movie with a love story makes me emotionally exhausted. It’s easy for me to stare at the screen and romanticize about fictional characters like:

  • Jim and Pam
  • Ross and Rachel
  • Noah and Allie
  • Chuck and Blair
  • Jack and Rose

And it’s when I let the “woe is me” thoughts drift in that direction, I allow my fears to consume me rather than God’s love and promises for me. Instead of trusting in God’s plans for my future, I believe the lie that God is holding out on Mr. Darcy from me.

However, I must not compare God’s story for my life to the cinematic storyline portrayed on screen.

Ultimately, the purpose of Single Since ’91 is for God to be glorified in and through the vulnerability of my writing so that finding your soul mate would not be the end result, but that Jesus would be the ultimate desire of your heart.

Let these words not be of my own writing, but of God’s perfect penmanship.



  1. Priya says

    Hey Ashley! As a reader with the perspective of a newlywed, I still relate to so much of what you share. Between, Facebook, Pinterest, TV shows, and movies, it’s easy for me to feel like my wedding day was me reaching the ultimate purpose of my life so everything should now be unicorns and rainbows. That is most definitely not the reality. Marriage is wonderful but it’s also really hard. At times it even feels unfulfilling. It’s unfulfilling when, as you said above, it’s the end result. I deeply love my husband, but he cannot satisfy every desire I have nor can I do the same for him. Only Jesus can. Ashley, I love that Single Since 91 is a reminder of that! It’s refreshing reality check!

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