All posts filed under: The Sufficient Single

Articles on dating, relationships, and self-confidence and positive body image.

6 Steps to Clear Skin

It hurt to smile. The delight in my cheeks faded altogether. For the next five years, acne invaded my face, claiming every territory as its own, showing no mercy. I called them the “Nazits.” (Just kidding, I made that up on the spot). I loathed going out in public. I hated the stares, especially from guys. Cheers to the single, pimple life. And as soon as my face felt the Florida heat, my concealer washed away like the summer rain. Besides, what was the point of covering up my acne if applying makeup became too painful? I physically could not touch my face without wincing. In the midst of my battle with acne, I graduated college, worked three different jobs, moved to Atlanta, and went through a season of anxiety and depression. I even stopped dancing for a year. In a previous post, I described how “I didn’t have the desire to exercise, socialize, leave the house, eat or even get out of bed. Resting my head on my pillow, all I could focus on was …

Pretty in Pale

This is the story of a girl who was told all her life that pale wasn’t pretty. For years she basked in the Florida sun only to end up with burnt skin and freckles that could be mistaken for constellations. “My sunburn will turn into a tan,” she told herself. She looked over at her friends and noticed it only took them less than an hour to turn fifty shades darker. “I’m like so pale,” her tan friends complained. Rolling her eyes, she interjected their conversation by comparing her arms with theirs to make them feel less pale about themselves. In college, this girl had the idea of getting a spray tan. It could be a quick fix to her pale problem, just as long as she didn’t end up like Ross in the Friends episode: “The One Where Ross Gets Tan.” Even though her tan came out less unfortunate as Ross’s tan, she noticed the different colored creases from her knuckles as she clutched the steering wheel on her drive back to campus. “You’re fine,” she …

4 Ingredients to Spice Up Your Galentine’s Day

Cashew fixed his beady black eyes on me as I held his golden brown plush fabric. At 10 years old, I received my first Valentine’s gift from a boy: a Ty Beanie Baby. Sixteen years later, I can still feel the warmth of my cheeks blushing when the boy in my 5th-grade class handed me that adorable bear. He nervously shoved his hands in Spongebob Squarepants pajama pockets (it was Pajama Day at school) and asked, “Will you be my Valentine?” Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day my senior year of high school, SGA held a fundraiser in which students could purchase carnations to raise money for prom and have them delivered to their recipients throughout the day. When the final bell rang, I accumulated over a dozen carnations on my desk, dumbfounded as to whom the flowers were from. Did I have a secret admirer? Were the carnations from my crush on the tennis team? So remember how I said the fundraiser was held by my school’s SGA? Well, it just so happened my dad was …

Permission to Ask the Guy Out.

“Just ask him out for coffee,” I tell myself. Is it possible to guard your heart and risk it at the same time? To protect it and expose it at the same time? “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7. Maybe I’m confusing guarding my heart against being guarded? I perceive being guarded is much like a soldier who holds down the fort in the bunkers, safe and secure. And then I see guarding my heart is like the soldier who stands out in the enemy lines, exposed, yet covered with the full armor of God. (Ephesians 6:10-20) As single Christian females, we have been convinced that we should: Wait on a guy. Allow the guy to pursue us. Let him muster up the courage to ask us out on a date. Go about our lives, pursue the Lord, and a guy will fall into our laps. We hold out for those guys. I convince myself that one day a guy is …

My First Week on Bumble

From Bow Bridge to Bethesda Terrace, scenes of Amy Adams singing “That’s How You Know” from Disney’s Enchanted popped into my head. Smiling, I mentally noted to watch that movie as soon as I arrived back in Atlanta. Throughout my Sunday stroll in Central Park, I noticed countless couples holding hands, completely captivated by each other’s company. It was as if they had no set agenda, no destination, simply walking just to walk. My smile slightly faded. I tucked back the strands of my hair. Inhale. Exhale. Jesus, you know the desires of my heart. I pray for someone not only to hold my hand, but to take my hand. Remember a few months back when I dabbled with the idea of online dating in a previous post? I asked myself, “Am I willing to let go of my fear, pride, control, and vulnerability and allow God to shine through me and be glorified in whatever way I choose to date?” Well about a week ago, I decided to give the Bumble app a second chance and started swiping right …

The Body Image Conversation

“Suck in your stomach and tuck in your bottom,” Ping, my ballet professor, pointed out to me in front of my peers. Previous feelings of grace and beauty suddenly disappeared like a floppy-eared bunny inside a cage of black silk. I pleaded with Ping that my butt was already tucked in. So often, I stare at my features and waste precious minutes criticizing every curve, every flaw. I trace my focus away from my acne-prone pale skin and back to my eyes. I gaze at the darker shades of blue outlining my turquoise irises. Remember, beloved, we are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). We are God’s creation, so intricately, delicately and purposefully woven in our mother’s womb. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 39:13-14 I fear we, as women of all shapes and sizes, have allowed society to dictate our worth and skew our definition beauty. I sometimes question whether or not I would be less likely to compare my curvy figure with the stick figures I see in Hollywood if society never had …

Ever thought about online dating? Me too.

Refusing to take another step further, my footprints sank deeper into the sand. A crowd of college boys each held a cold beer in one hand and a numbered piece of paper in the other. As the girls in front of me strolled right past them, the guys held up their scores, rating them on a scale of 1-10 based on their looks. It was Spring Break 2010, otherwise known as SBX, in Panama City Beach, Florida. And apart from making hilarious and precious memories with my Gamma Phi sisters, I couldn’t get over what my sheltered little preacher’s kid eyes saw in PCB. One night, in particular, my sisters and I decided to go dancing at the place where MTV Spring Break has made its home for the past decade: Club La Vela, aka “the largest nightclub in the USA and Spring Break headquarters of the world.” After a few hours of dancing, or rather trying to avoid eye contact with any creeper who tried to plant theirs behind my butt for a grinding session, I made my way to the bar for a …

Why It’s Important to Shake it Off

As soon as I hear those distinct doorbell dings, I know it’s only a matter of seconds before Mariah Carey tells me exactly what she wants for Christmas. And once the chorus chimes in, it’s only a matter of seconds until I start to chasse my way through traffic with a full-on jazz routine complete with your basic steering wheel slaps, head snaps, shoulder shimmies, chest pops and awkward stares from my beloved audience members in the lanes next to me. I’ve spent an entire year preparing for that insanely high note and now’s my chance to let those vocal chords go. Gripping my water bottle microphone, I clear my throat. “All I want for Christmas is… YOUUUUUUUU!” When All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey comes on my Spotify, I transform into this “I’m going to sing at the top of my lungs and I don’t care who’s watching” mentality. And that carefree attitude remains true for most of the pop songs on my Christmas playlist, including: My Only Wish (This Year)- Britney Spears Man With the Bag- Jessie J This Christmas- Chris …

6 Steps to Surviving the Friend Zone: As told by ‘She’s the Man’

Having a crush is like a math equation. Problematic, even. 1 x 1= 1 Boy likes girl x girl likes boy= Both agree they like each other. (-1) x (-1)= 1 Boy doesn’t like girl x girl doesn’t like boy= Both agree they don’t like each other. 1 x (-1)= (-1) Girl likes boy x boy doesn’t like girl (vice versa)= Someone ends up disappointed. It wasn’t until after I hit “publish” on the previous post that I realized just how vulnerable it was for me to confess my feelings toward my crush. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might not feel the same way and that I would end up disappointed. But that’s exactly what happened. When I found out he was talking to another girl, I was obviously disappointed. I found myself falling into the pity party of comparison. I started questioning my worth: What’s wrong with me? Am I not his type? Am I not funny enough? Am I not adventurous enough? Am I not WOW enough? I tell myself that my worth should be found in Christ and not what …