The Spiritual Single
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5 Truths About (Emotional) Dating

“1, 2… 1, 2, 3, 4!”

Waking up to Raspberry Beret,  I extended my hand over to my flip phone jamming out on my desk and turned off its alarm before Prince had the chance to tell me he was working part-time in a five-and-dime. My eyes, halfway open, suddenly lit up as I noticed a text message flashing across my screen:

Well, shoot. Is that not just the sweetest little text from my boyfriend? Oh, wait… Just kidding. He’s not actually my boyfriend.

Emotional Dating: (in my own words) when a girl is emotionally and romantically attached to a guy without ever actually dating him, vice versa.

Story of my life. 

From high school jocks to southern fraternity guys, I always had someone whom I was “talking to” or “texting.” And even though these guys I texted in college treated me like their girlfriend, I never heard the words, “Will you go on a date with me?” or “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Sounds like the beginning stages of a dating relationship, though, right? Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy gets girl’s number. And then the texting commences:

  • Hey beautiful, how are you?
  • I miss you, come over!
  • Why can’t all girls be like you?
  • How’s my girl doin?

1. Casual flirting naturally leads to an emotional attachment.

I found myself “wishin and hopin and thinkin and prayin, plannin and dreamin” that whatever guy I was “talking to” at the time would be my first real relationship.giphyChandlerBing
But I’m not saying the guy is the only one to blame. It takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it outta sight. I allowed myself to be emotionally invested in a guy by turning our stream of text messages into a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Remember that scene from The Notebook when Noah sees Allie in a downtown boutique trying on her wedding dress? And the reaction on Noah’s face?

2. Texting Someone Doesn’t Always Mean You’re the Only One They’re Texting.

I can relate on several occasions when the guy I was “talking to” ended up making future plans of his own with someone else.  I guess I wasn’t the only one he was texting. Dang social media. 

3. DTR- Define The Relationship: It’s Inevitable.

So then came the moment of truth, when I would be the one who had to define the relationship. Did he actually like me and see me more than a friend? Did he want to date me and be in a relationship? Or did he only see me as the cliché “sister in Christ?”

Regardless, of how his answer turned out, I felt lead on. Because the guys I texted, were also texting someone else and eventually ended up in a relationship with that other person.

What’s the point of experiencing feelings of a break-up, when I never even dated the person in the first place? 

Those years of emotional dating lead me to feelings of heartache, confusion, jealousy, and comparison.

4. You shouldn’t have to question whether the guy is interested in you or not.

If a guy likes you, he should call you.

Special to CNN Roxanne Jones, in“Real Men Talk, They Don’t Text.”  says:

“Texting is not the place for anything serious. Never handle something over text that should be handled in person or over the phone. This just shows that you are a weakling who deserves a good slapping. Swallow your fear, and pick up the phone.” -Michael Masters, author of “TextAppeal — For Guys! The Ultimate Texting Guide.” 

He should make his intentions clear that he wants to take us out on a date or ask us to be his girlfriend. Tell us the truth. Am I right ladies?

So stop hiding behind a screen gentlemen, ladies that goes for us too, and start taking risks.

5. Forgive and move on.

Lastly, you know what’s even more freeing than not having a guy to text? It’s having the ability to forgive those who have lead me on, treated me unfairly, and left me without a reply to a text.1907995631-no-text-back-meme

1 Comment

  1. Kaylee Westra says

    THIS IS GOLDEN!! I have definitely been there and wish that I would have read these things sooner. Thank you, friend for sharing. For being open and honest. For saying the difficult things that nobody wants to say. For convicting people in a way that they need to hear. You are amazing- Thank you!!

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