“Just ask him out for coffee,” I tell myself. Is it possible to guard your heart and risk it at the same time? To protect it and expose it at the same time?
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7.
Maybe I’m confusing guarding my heart against being guarded?
I perceive being guarded is much like a soldier who holds down the fort in the bunkers, safe and secure. And then I see guarding my heart is like the soldier who stands out in the enemy lines, exposed, yet covered with the full armor of God. (Ephesians 6:10-20)
As single Christian females, we have been convinced that we should:
- Wait on a guy.
- Allow the guy to pursue us.
- Let him muster up the courage to ask us out on a date.
- Go about our lives, pursue the Lord, and a guy will fall into our laps.
We hold out for those guys.
I convince myself that one day a guy is going to come to his senses and ask me out. He’ll strike up a conversation and ask me how I’ve been. And as we talk, I become more aware of my heart’s exposure to the transparent, vulnerable me.
I have this theory: If a guy has been friends with me for a while and he’s dated/asked other girls out within the time he’s known me, then he probably only sees me as a friend. If he liked me, surely he would’ve asked me out by now. Again, this is just a theory. It doesn’t apply to every guy and could just be an assumption.
Ultimately, I’ve learned to be okay if he only sees me as a friend.
I have gained so much wisdom from having Godly guy friends. I can be my 100% messed-up goofy self around them. It’s very freeing. I guess it would just be nice to know if the guys I hold out for are worth waiting around to see if they’re going to ask me out or not. Am I waiting for something that could very well never happen, leaving me feeling passively rejected?
But why do I have to feel like I have to wait for the guy to ask me out? Does it make me seem aggressive if I casually ask a guy out for coffee? What’s the harm in a pumpkin spice latte? I’ve told a few guys in the past how I felt about them, and I got rejected.
But you know what? I’m still standing. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yes, it was painful, but I’d rather face rejection than face uncertainty. I’d rather stand guard, exposed and out in the open with God’s protection than being guarded in the bunkers, without ever facing rejection.
“Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” -A Cinderella Story
A date is simply getting to know someone one-on-one. A guy should be flattered that a girl wants to get to know him more. A first date is casual. It’s not like we’re deciding whether or not we want to spend the rest of our lives together forever.
Disney portrays the damsel in distress waiting for Aladdin to show her the world. But what about Wonder Woman who gets shit done? Women are more than capable of knowing what we desire and having the courage to pursue those desires. I guess for so long I’ve been brainwashed to think I have to wait around for Prince Charming to sword fight sing his way into my little wooden cottage.
But you know what? I think God wants his daughters to take steps of faith and leave the results up to him. We can’t expect God to provide if we are sitting on our butts and not purposefully meeting new people. We must actively take steps of faith while waiting, trusting, and believing in His perfect provision.
Above all, we must remember his love is better than life (Psalm 63:3). Our desire to date and to pursue relationships should never surpass our ultimate desire for our relationship with God. In the end, we don’t “need” a guy to fill this emptiness and loneliness we may be experiencing in our season of singleness; we need Jesus. God is my only reason I’m still standing.
So what are you waiting for? Go for it. Just ask him out.