The Sufficient Single
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6 Steps to Surviving the Friend Zone: As told by ‘She’s the Man’

Having a crush is like a math equation. Problematic, even.

  1. 1 x 1= 1 Boy likes girl x girl likes boy= Both agree they like each other.
  2. (-1) x (-1)= 1 Boy doesn’t like girl x girl doesn’t like boy= Both agree they don’t like each other.
  3. 1 x (-1)= (-1) Girl likes boy x boy doesn’t like girl (vice versa)= Someone ends up disappointed.

It wasn’t until after I hit “publish” on the previous post that I realized just how vulnerable it was for me to confess my feelings toward my crush.

It hadn’t occurred to me that he might not feel the same way and that I would end up disappointed.

But that’s exactly what happened.

When I found out he was talking to another girl, I was obviously disappointed. I found myself falling into the pity party of comparison. I started questioning my worth: What’s wrong with me? Am I not his type? Am I not funny enough? Am I not adventurous enough? Am I not WOW enough?

  • I tell myself that my worth should be found in Christ and not what others think of me.
  • I tell myself that the reason I’m single isn’t a punishment from God.
  • I tell myself to be okay with God’s timing and God’s plans, even when things don’t turn out the way I want them to.

But then Satan lures me into believing the lie that God’s withholding this specific desire of mine because of my sin.

I tend to think that because of my impure thoughts, actions, and motives, God dangles my mystery (mountain) man at arm’s length. And the moment I start to become “more holy,” God will reward me with a dreamboat who will sweep me off my feet, because I’ve “earned” it and because I “deserve” to be in a relationship. How selfish does that sound?

God isn’t a vending machine.

I shouldn’t give to God with the expectation that I will receive a Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar unveiling a golden ticket inside in return for my good behavior.

Instead, I need to listen to God’s voice and not Lucifer’s lies. I must remember that God loves me and has a plan for my life and to be okay with whatever that looks like. And for this past month, that’s learning how to be okay with being in the “Friend Zone.”

So you just found out the guy you’re interested in is talking to someone else… now what?

It’s about to get real.

1) Don’t avoid him; continue to be his friend. 

Assuming the guy was oblivious to your feelings toward him, your friendship technically hasn’t changed. The only difference is you now know he’s interested in someone else.

2) Be honest.

Have genuine, honest conversations with him just like you would with any other friend, even if he talks to you about his past relationships.1540372497244055525jwLXEMjc

Hang in there, even if he starts asking you for relationship advice.

And all you want to do is shout, “HELLO, I AM RIGHT HERE!”

3) Know your boundaries and motives.

One text, one double-tap on his Instagram, or one Snapchat is all it takes for your thoughts go down that emotional spiral once again.

What’s your motivation for sending that text?

“What’s your heart tell ya?” when you hug him?

Don’t be dancing all up in his business.

Maybe you should just stick to high fives?

4) Be yourself.

Don’t compare yourself and try to become more like that girl he’s talking to in attempts to win his heart. You want a guy to be attracted to the REAL you, not someone you’re pretending to be.Shes-The-Man

5) Stop chasing.

Stop chasing after the guy and allow him to chase you. If it’s meant to be, you’ll know if/when you’re out of that friend zone and not one of his “bros.”

6) Trust in God.

Give the situation over to God and allow His plans to unfold in your life. Trust that your worth is found in Christ and not what your crush thinks of you. Trust that the reason you’re single isn’t a punishment from God. Trust in God’s timing and God’s plans, even when they don’t turn out the way you want them to.

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