The Spiritual Single
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You are Loved: Finding Worth in God Instead of Resumes and Relationships.

“Some days you’re tired of trying to measure up. You see a girl who’s not enough when you look in the mirror.”

As a single girl of 27 years, I see someone who’s not enough. I am tired of trying to measure up to the impossible prerequisites guys look for in a girl.

In addition, I’m currently trying to figure out God’s plan for my life. After five years in full-time ministry, I felt God calling me away to pursue the artistic passions and literary gifts planted inside of me. After months of searching and interviewing, still no financially stable doors. I’m tired of closed doors and trying to measure up to other candidates with years of experience.

“Some nights all you wanna do is hide ’cause every time you look inside, you’re face to face with failure.”

“How’s the dating life? Do you have a boyfriend yet?” The answer is still no. I often times feel “bro-zoned” by my guy friends, which is bearable. I like having guy friends; however, it starts to become unbearable when those guys ask me about my girlfriends, hinting their obvious interest. Jealousy envelops my heart. Why not me? It’s selfish and stupid, but why not me? I start to feel unlovable. The guys I’m interested in don’t want to date me.

My sinful heart turns bitter and black. I turn to false idols for comfort. I am face to face with failure in messing up, always messing up.

“How’s the job searching going? Any offers yet?” The answer is still no. I feel like a failure for not having a full-time job.

Light bulb.

God made me realize that I seek approval in guys and job security. No wonder I feel so distant from God right now. It’s because I find my worth in my relationships and resume instead of Him.

“But you are loved, oh, not because of what you’ve done, no.
Even when your heart has run the other way, nothing’s gonna change His love.
And you are wanted not because you are perfect.
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace, but look into His face you’ll know that you are loved.”

I could cry. What truth! Why is it so hard for me to accept God’s grace? Surely He doesn’t love me because of what I’ve done, what I’ve thought. I’ve disappointed Him too many times to count. My heart aches knowing my sin breaks His heart. Even when I run to man’s approval, nothing is going to change His love for me.

I am loved.

“You’ve searched for something that will stir your soul that’ll make you feel less alone, but nothing ever saves you.
Well, He knew before you ever took a breath, there’d be days when you’d forget how beautiful He made you.”

But then I forget that I am loved.

I swipe. I click. I search. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel less alone if I get approval from a guy. Maybe I’ll feel less alone by taking matters into my own hands. Maybe I’ll feel less alone if I have coworkers. I’m left empty and dry, overcome by shame and self-pity. Surely no guy or job would want me if they knew my struggles. Surely God made a mistake in creating me. I’m too messed up to be loved. I forget what I’ve been taught all those years sitting in the pew.

“But you are loved, oh, not because of what you’ve done, no.
Even when your heart has run the other way, nothing’s gonna change His love.
And you are wanted not because you are perfect.
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace, but look into His face you’ll know that you are loved.”

But God made me for a purpose. God chose me. God loves me. I am not an accident. My struggles are used for His glory. No relationship and no job is ever going to fulfill me. By God’s grace, I am forgiven and redeemed. Nothing is going to change His love for you and me. Thank you, Jesus.

You Are Loved by Ellie Holcomb.

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